GHOSTING: When one person completely cuts off another person without warning, and ignores any attempted communication by the other party
Let’s be honest. The biggest issue with ghosting is the unresolved questions it leaves behind, and more importantly, the feeling of abandonment.
Here are Six Ways to Handle Your Situation when You’ve Been Ghosted
This is the first thing we must do. Oftentimes, in the heat of the moment, this is the one thing we put aside. But talking with God allows us to calm down, evaluate the situation, see if there’s somewhere where we messed up, and plan the right response. We should also pray for the other person, even if we don’t feel like it.
The Bible says to love our enemies. Sure, it’s easy for us to love those who love us back. But it’s those who wrong us that we should really try and love. Praying for a person can seem like the hardest thing to do. But trust me, it’s the most freeing feeling. When we pray for the other person who hurt us, we began to realize that it’s us taking our broken hearts to God. He’s healing us as we pray! He already knows what’s on your mind and heart, so just be 100% honest with him. Be brutal! Pray that God work in both of your lives.
2. Allow Yourself to be Upset (For a Little Bit!)
The reality is, it hurts. When we’re ghosted, maybe we don’t feel valued by the other person, who did not allow us to share our thoughts and our side.
With ghosting, we’re also hurt because there’s no closure. We grew so close to a person and practically know everything about them, and then they choose to cower their way out of the relationship. So of course, we’re going to be upset. But we should not dwell on it. This can be God’s way of taking a person out of your life, that he knew you would not remove on your own.
While ghosting is not the ideal way to end a relationship, we need to examine ourselves, and see if we were the reason the other person left without a trace. Do we get angry instantly, start cursing, get physical or vicious? If we do, then it is a major character flaw on our part (not to mention, ungodly), and one we need to strongly fix before moving on to another relationship.
3. Plan your response
When you’ve been treated this way, you’re instantly bothered. But please refrain from texting something you’ll regret later. The Bible calls us to be slow to anger, no matter if we’ve been wronged or not. If you must say something, make sure it is done in a non-accusatory way. You want to give the other person the open opportunity to explain, should they want to. Say something like “Hi! It’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I care about you. If there’s anything on your mind that’s bothering you, I wholeheartedly am willing to listen.”
If you’ve opened the door for a truly kind and mature conversation (and sincerely mean it) and you do not get a response, then you must do nothing else. That is your answer. You cannot change a person. Only God can do that.
The reality is….a person who ghosts has no intention of responding to you’re text or call, no matter what you say. They’ve most likely have done this before…either to you or someone else. A person who hardens their heart enough to cut a positive someone out of their life, is one who will most likely not push through in the tough times that arise in a marriage. And if he can dip out now, he’ll do the same where it really matters; in your marriage.
4. Evaluate Your Relationship
Were there warning signs? The very definition of a ghoster is someone who leaves without warning. For some, things were getting tough, and that was his way of ending things. For others, there may have been no dramatic fight, but his heart just wasn’t in the relationship any more. While ghosting is a character flaw of the person who does it, we can use this situation to evaluate how we acted during the friendship or relationship. Did we treat him poorly? We’re we rude, arrogant, condescending or impatient? We can own up to our downfall in the relationship, if we had a part. While this relationship didn’t work out, we can learn from our mistakes and allow God to help us practice the Fruits of the Spirit. We will become a stronger Christian, better friend, sister, parent, girlfriend and wife because of it.
As mentioned before, trust that this is the Lord’s way of removing a person from your life, that wasn’t supposed to have a permanent place there. When it comes to dating and even friendships, we want to ask God to bring the right people in our lives, and remove those who shouldn’t be there. When he does, we shouldn’t be angry with him for doing what we asked, because we know he loves us and has our best interest in mind.
5. Avoid Depressing Music
Country Taylor Swift is often our open diary. But honestly, sad music just makes one wallow in their sorrows even more, thus making it harder to move forward. If we base our emotion on whether or not the guy we liked has texted us back, we start seeking our value based on another person’s opinion of us. When identity is based on anyone else, and not in Christ, we lose our identity. Yes, it’s sad when a person cuts us out of their lives. But our life isn’t over. You had purpose before the person came into our life, and we have purpose now. The wrong person can distract us from what God has called us to do for Him at the moment. The right purpose will help encourage our walk with God. Use this time of singleness to pour yourself into your relationship with God, cook dinner for your friends, go shopping, travel, pursue your career, complete your list of goals. This helps speed up the healing process as well!
6. Make your list
Sometimes, it takes being treated poorly to understand completely what it is that we want in a guy. Go old school. Take a pen and paper and make a list of what you want in a future guy. From looks to character traits, write it down. Obviously, the most important traits are the godly, positive traits. Need inspo on what to look for in a man? Check out Ephesians 5. Pray for that list daily. Most importantly, pray that God mold your heart for what he wants. For example, if you’re asking for a 6’2 astronaut with dark hair who loves the Lord, God may have a 5’9 painter with blonde hair for you, who also loves the Lord.
It’s never easy to navigate a broken heart. It will take time spent with God to help work through your emotions. You may never hear from your ex again, or receive an apology. But God has saved you from something not right for you, and He will walk you through this temporary valley. Do not indulge in hooking up with someone else, partying etc…because it won’t take away your pain. Use this time to open up your heart to God, and He will start filling your cup. I promise, you will get through this.